Mountain Moving Faith

Mark 11:12-14, 20-24

Heard it in a sermon, and it hit me in the gut. I've been lacking so much faith through this thing. Only thinking of what has happened in the past and wondering what's to stop it from happening a third time. Guess what?.... God is what's going to stop it from happening a third time. Only question is do I have enough faith to move this mountain.
So much doubt and fear creeping in my mind every day, and I know who loves doubt and fear. I feel like I'm battling him every single day. Some days are better then others. I'm trying to have more good days then bad, but it's hard. And having twins in there I think it actually making it harder. "Are they both okay? Is one okay and not the other?" I know it's hard for Doug to hear my doubt but he doesn't have them in him 24/7 and wonder what every gas pain and tightening is. He's been doing so great though but I can see the stress of all this getting to him too, along with all life's other stresses that are always here too. I've been bleeding brown blood all week. Not a ton and the fact that it is brown is the only thing keeping me sane. Old blood. I keep repeating in my head "God has healed the wound and is pushing out all the bad, old blood from the past" I know it's a way for the doubt to keep turning up every day but I just keep thinking "it's okay, we're going to get there".
Appointment on Friday. Nervous but keeping the faith. Praying that God can help me turn my faith so I'm not just saying it over and over in my head but feeling it in my heart too.

Taking baby steps through this week. Focusing on family.