From Chaos to Peace

So I haven't blogged in awhile. Forever in pregnancy world. :P Almost 2 weeks.
The last two weeks have been pretty good actually. All spotting has stopped and I feel so much more at peace. I also don't feel like my body is about to fall apart on me. I'm sure that it was mostly mental but a lot has been going on inside there these last couple months. I've also stopped having my panic attacks at night (thanks for the prayers on that). I still wake up all night but mostly for peeing, and sometimes probably from a dream, but for the most part I don't feel a weight and dread at night I use to have.
I really think I figured out what happened in the last pregnancy's and this one. I believe I have an area in my uterus that has scar tissue or a "bad spot" on it and it's where the babies like to implant. I've also heard that babies tend to find the same spot in there each pregnancy. So because there were twins this time the baby still with us couldn't implant on that spot therefore saving it's life. I know God had a hand in this and it's His way of giving me the baby I have wanted but it's still hard to give up the baby we lost. It's hard to give them all up. But I'm grateful for the baby I have now and I TRULY believe I well get to see this one join our family this time.
I still have my moments of fear and "what if's" but I'm working hard at keeping them away.
I am kinda shocked and surprised at how much my mind and mood has changed in just a few days. There's peace here right now when before it felt like such chaos in my head. I'm thankful for now and just pray it continues.